Folks, in addition to being available for preorder direct from the publisher, The Mind Reels can now be preordered from most major booksellers such as Amazon and Barnes & Noble and via the independent bookstore online shopping service Bookshop. Its Goodreads page
I often have thought that, if compensation were relative to skill and value to society, whuy are maternity nurses not paid like investment bankers?
I mean, I slack off and a rodent gets away or something. If a maternity ward nurse screws up, a baby is born with the wrong number of heads or something.
Ugh. Glad to see your spirits are up, but boredom… it’s coming. Hospitals have gotten so much nicer and more pleasant (weird word for a hospital, but accurate), but you can’t escape that it’s a biscuit away from a prison. If you don’t believe me have Ami try to take a walk outside the hospital grounds.
I/we had a similar situation (but with a bit more medical drama as is common with twins, all of which worked out fine in the long run). I would work all day in an office (had to save the very sparse paternity leave for when my wife was recovering after the babies were born) and then arrive at the hospital. Anyway, security. I was never once stopped when wearing a suit/tie but would frequently be stopped on the weekend. Eventually I got an official looking card that said "DAD." It was the first time I had ever been referred to in that way and it felt like an assurance that we'd get through it all.
Yesterday was my daughter's second bday, so was just thinking about that time. She had a (thankfully short) NICU stay while my wife recovered from a very challenging delivery, so I spent a week in that weird limbo you've described so well. As pretentious a reference as this is, it made me think of the opening of Purgatorio when all the souls about to embark on this profound, intense journey are stuck in anticipation, looking around trying to figure out how to start (I know, I know, but I sincerely like Dante).
Also, thank God for all the maternity, MFM, L&D, post-partum, and NICU nurses. Truly some of the best of us
Glad to hear you all are doing well and I truly hope it's as smooth as possible from here on out.
I'm excited to pre-order as soon as I can get a Kindle edition! I don't/can't read paper books. (I realize you probably have no control over this - I'm just giving it as info in case it helps.)
And a random note: I helped sponsor a womens job day in El Salvador when I was a Peace Corps volunteer decades ago, where teenage girls could see different jobs where women were working. I was assigned to bring kids to the public hospital and we ended up touring the maternity ward. All women in the very rural community where I lived gave birth in their homes unless there was a medical issue so my impression was that the women in the maternity ward were there due to concern about the pregnancy. Anyone with money was at a private hospital. The room was gigantic, like the size of a basketball court, with dozens of beds and thin, woven straw mats. I think those were for the women who paid. Then, under each bed on the floor was another straw mat, for another woman. Lots of intense noise. It was beyond overwhelming and, years later, I thought about it a lot as I listened to the beeps and whirrs at night in our private, fancy hospital room.
One of my daughters had the same issue with her first child. We were all terrified, but everything worked out. She got a C section when the Doctors were sure the baby was viable. A few weeks in NICU and I got to hold her for the first time.
My wife was on bed rest at home for a month before having our son at 36 weeks. Her mom came and lived with us for that month. They gave him a steroid shot or something at 32 weeks when my wife started to go into labor so his lungs would be developed if and when he came out early. He was 6 lbs and everything was fine. I'm sure at YNH you are getting all the help you need and then some. As long as he's big and strong enough and you can avoid the NICU it should be drama-free (once he's born, that is). I'm sue you're getting a size estimate every so often. Again, all the best.
With hospitals it’s so much about arrivals and departures. I remember going down in the elevator with a couple who had a brand new baby. As in it was maybe 12 hours old and still a little squished in that very new born baby way. And then getting on was a very elderly woman in a wheelchair being escorted by her equally elderly but slightly less frail husband.
Someone had just arrived and someone was getting ready to leave.
It's going to go fine. Never had quite such extended stay but having done what you're doing a couple times I can tell you you're in the most surreal part. All the adrenaline will kick in and you'll be on a roller coaster for a while but in retrospect you'll barely even remember it.
Going home will feel great, not scary. We had a bit of a longer stay with my first and strapping everyone in the car and getting the F out of there was the best feeling. And we were also at a plenty nice hospital!
It's SUCH a relief to go home after being in the hospital. One of my twins had some stays during the first few months of her life and it was rough on all of us (she's fine now).
Best of luck to you Freddie, and all of the other new parents out there! You won't regret it.
I'm glad you're writing about your experience in the hospital. I hope you write about your life as a new parent.
I think culture changes as you move from one stage to another. I've been interested to learn about cultural things...woke and social justice...which I guess started in the 2010s. I didn't notice because I was busy with parenting and trying to live in a precarious gig economy.
Exactly! My oldest is 3 and a half, and parenthood often feels like a barrier that separates you from popular culture, which is frequently what Freddie writes about, so I'm really curious to see where this blog goes in the coming months and years.
Good luck!! I can confirm that after constant monitoring and checks (even for a fairly uncomplicated delivery experience on my part) it is extremely strange to walk out of the hospital and be left to your own devices. Like, who let us have this kid unsupervised? Still, as nerve-wracking as that car ride was, it was exciting to come home and see the cats be so curious about the new invader. (Then the next day the pediatrician yelled at us about the baby losing weight and we had to frantically figure out how to assemble and use the pump ... ugh.) Birth and postpartum is a wild and unforgettable time, unique for everyone. I hope you understand what I mean when I say I wish for you that the next few weeks are as boring as possible.
We were in the NICU for three weeks and that sure was strange to take our son home after all that time with him hooked up to monitors and being surrounded by nurses. Like...we can just set him down and go to sleep? Nobody's watching him? If it bothers you too much you can get an Owlet baby monitor sock but in my experience it was just a good way subject your partner to a panicked wakeup after the baby kicks the sock off randomly.
Best of luck for a safe, peaceful, and 37th-week delivery.
That surreal feeling of taking the baby home is basically universal and lasts beyond the first kid. I felt that way even when we took my 5th kid home.
Relatedly, make sure your wife gets lots of attention and care when you do get home. It can be VERY jarring and disheartening for mom to go from constant attention to less than zero (since everybody is looking at the baby). I always felt it as a relief, but plenty of women find it almost hurtful, even if they understand it logically. Those postpartum hormones don’t help either.
I've seen a couple of TikToks by new moms where it goes "everyone else came to the hospital to see my baby, but my mom came to see her baby (me)" and it makes me cry every time and I have never even given birth!
I often have thought that, if compensation were relative to skill and value to society, whuy are maternity nurses not paid like investment bankers?
I mean, I slack off and a rodent gets away or something. If a maternity ward nurse screws up, a baby is born with the wrong number of heads or something.
We spent nine days in the NICU, and those nurses are 100%, bar none the most important people on this rock.
Man... Good luck to you all, especially your wife who can't get out. I'm just a random reader, but I'm wishing you the best.
Ugh. Glad to see your spirits are up, but boredom… it’s coming. Hospitals have gotten so much nicer and more pleasant (weird word for a hospital, but accurate), but you can’t escape that it’s a biscuit away from a prison. If you don’t believe me have Ami try to take a walk outside the hospital grounds.
I/we had a similar situation (but with a bit more medical drama as is common with twins, all of which worked out fine in the long run). I would work all day in an office (had to save the very sparse paternity leave for when my wife was recovering after the babies were born) and then arrive at the hospital. Anyway, security. I was never once stopped when wearing a suit/tie but would frequently be stopped on the weekend. Eventually I got an official looking card that said "DAD." It was the first time I had ever been referred to in that way and it felt like an assurance that we'd get through it all.
You are going to love being a part of the club.
I hope she gets to 37! Any time after 36 is a safe zone. Given the issues, I am surprised they are not moving ahead at 34.
You should avoid the NICU, which was a traumatic experience, which is ideal.
Everything about being a first time father is surreal. It is a huge adjustment and it will be years until it is fully in place.
Best of luck on the delivery....my wife's were scary and dangerous......
And the award for Most Ominous Bedside Manner goes to...
Seriously. How is any part of that comment supposed to be helpful...?
Yesterday was my daughter's second bday, so was just thinking about that time. She had a (thankfully short) NICU stay while my wife recovered from a very challenging delivery, so I spent a week in that weird limbo you've described so well. As pretentious a reference as this is, it made me think of the opening of Purgatorio when all the souls about to embark on this profound, intense journey are stuck in anticipation, looking around trying to figure out how to start (I know, I know, but I sincerely like Dante).
Also, thank God for all the maternity, MFM, L&D, post-partum, and NICU nurses. Truly some of the best of us
Glad to hear you all are doing well and I truly hope it's as smooth as possible from here on out.
I'm excited to pre-order as soon as I can get a Kindle edition! I don't/can't read paper books. (I realize you probably have no control over this - I'm just giving it as info in case it helps.)
And a random note: I helped sponsor a womens job day in El Salvador when I was a Peace Corps volunteer decades ago, where teenage girls could see different jobs where women were working. I was assigned to bring kids to the public hospital and we ended up touring the maternity ward. All women in the very rural community where I lived gave birth in their homes unless there was a medical issue so my impression was that the women in the maternity ward were there due to concern about the pregnancy. Anyone with money was at a private hospital. The room was gigantic, like the size of a basketball court, with dozens of beds and thin, woven straw mats. I think those were for the women who paid. Then, under each bed on the floor was another straw mat, for another woman. Lots of intense noise. It was beyond overwhelming and, years later, I thought about it a lot as I listened to the beeps and whirrs at night in our private, fancy hospital room.
One of my daughters had the same issue with her first child. We were all terrified, but everything worked out. She got a C section when the Doctors were sure the baby was viable. A few weeks in NICU and I got to hold her for the first time.
Best to you and your wife.
My wife was on bed rest at home for a month before having our son at 36 weeks. Her mom came and lived with us for that month. They gave him a steroid shot or something at 32 weeks when my wife started to go into labor so his lungs would be developed if and when he came out early. He was 6 lbs and everything was fine. I'm sure at YNH you are getting all the help you need and then some. As long as he's big and strong enough and you can avoid the NICU it should be drama-free (once he's born, that is). I'm sue you're getting a size estimate every so often. Again, all the best.
With hospitals it’s so much about arrivals and departures. I remember going down in the elevator with a couple who had a brand new baby. As in it was maybe 12 hours old and still a little squished in that very new born baby way. And then getting on was a very elderly woman in a wheelchair being escorted by her equally elderly but slightly less frail husband.
Someone had just arrived and someone was getting ready to leave.
The place would get kind of crowded if that wasn't the case.
Or, be totally empty.
It's going to go fine. Never had quite such extended stay but having done what you're doing a couple times I can tell you you're in the most surreal part. All the adrenaline will kick in and you'll be on a roller coaster for a while but in retrospect you'll barely even remember it.
Going home will feel great, not scary. We had a bit of a longer stay with my first and strapping everyone in the car and getting the F out of there was the best feeling. And we were also at a plenty nice hospital!
It's SUCH a relief to go home after being in the hospital. One of my twins had some stays during the first few months of her life and it was rough on all of us (she's fine now).
Best of luck to you Freddie, and all of the other new parents out there! You won't regret it.
Good luck Ami!
and you too Freddie!
and you three soon to be baby!
I'm glad you're writing about your experience in the hospital. I hope you write about your life as a new parent.
I think culture changes as you move from one stage to another. I've been interested to learn about cultural things...woke and social justice...which I guess started in the 2010s. I didn't notice because I was busy with parenting and trying to live in a precarious gig economy.
Exactly! My oldest is 3 and a half, and parenthood often feels like a barrier that separates you from popular culture, which is frequently what Freddie writes about, so I'm really curious to see where this blog goes in the coming months and years.
Good luck!! I can confirm that after constant monitoring and checks (even for a fairly uncomplicated delivery experience on my part) it is extremely strange to walk out of the hospital and be left to your own devices. Like, who let us have this kid unsupervised? Still, as nerve-wracking as that car ride was, it was exciting to come home and see the cats be so curious about the new invader. (Then the next day the pediatrician yelled at us about the baby losing weight and we had to frantically figure out how to assemble and use the pump ... ugh.) Birth and postpartum is a wild and unforgettable time, unique for everyone. I hope you understand what I mean when I say I wish for you that the next few weeks are as boring as possible.
We were in the NICU for three weeks and that sure was strange to take our son home after all that time with him hooked up to monitors and being surrounded by nurses. Like...we can just set him down and go to sleep? Nobody's watching him? If it bothers you too much you can get an Owlet baby monitor sock but in my experience it was just a good way subject your partner to a panicked wakeup after the baby kicks the sock off randomly.
Best of luck for a safe, peaceful, and 37th-week delivery.
That surreal feeling of taking the baby home is basically universal and lasts beyond the first kid. I felt that way even when we took my 5th kid home.
Relatedly, make sure your wife gets lots of attention and care when you do get home. It can be VERY jarring and disheartening for mom to go from constant attention to less than zero (since everybody is looking at the baby). I always felt it as a relief, but plenty of women find it almost hurtful, even if they understand it logically. Those postpartum hormones don’t help either.
I've seen a couple of TikToks by new moms where it goes "everyone else came to the hospital to see my baby, but my mom came to see her baby (me)" and it makes me cry every time and I have never even given birth!