Hey folks, I know I promised you a traditional year-end wrap-up post where I list my bests and worsts and mosts and such, but after banging my head against a wall for several days, I’ve concluded that I can’t do it. The excuse is the same as always these days: the arrival of our baby destroyed my media consumption to the point where I just don’t have an adequate frame of reference to do the exercise. Yes, of course I read some books and saw some movies etc etc, but far fewer than usual and most didn’t come out in 2025 and I fell asleep through half of the TV shows we watched…. I decided it was best not to try and fake it. So here’s something else to mark the passage of time instead.
Big "The Mind Reels" writerly energy behind this post - I liked it, despite the sombre subject matter, better than an end of year wrap would have been. Besides, Matt already did his 2025 movies wrap-up, and consciously chose not to include Sinners + thought OBAA had dopey unworkable politics, so that was a tickling echo of your taking them down a peg. Says a lot about life that we still feel sad over the loss of long-lost friends. It's so easy to reach out again over the years, and mostly we...don't, for one excuse or another. Not until the worst happens, and then it's far too late. Definitely gonna be dusting off some contacts in 2026...meet the new year, same as the old year.
Wow. A beautiful tribute. Since I know, through your writing, that you love Toni Morrison’s Sula as much as I do, I always found the last line of the novel to be the perfect encapsulation of grief: “It was a fine cry—loud and long—but it had no bottom and it had no top, just circles and circles of sorrow.”
Lost a friend who I was never super close with to suicide about a year ago. This feeling of “stolen valor” grieving resonates deeply and has reminded me to grieve her again because why not. She was loved, even from afar. Thank you Freddie.
I’m somewhat older than Freddie, so I started having feelings like he expresses here a decade or more back. Makes this even more meaningful for me. Sucks getting old, sometimes. Friends dying is maybe the worst part.
Add more of this literary pleasure to your next novel. I liked your first novel, but it lacked some of this... I've read enough of your stuff to appreciate when you write like this.
Sorry to hear about your childhood classmate, judging by his obit and comments he was a genuine stand-up guy.
Just remember, understanding is not required for acceptance. Accept the man's death like you accepted his life, open and free as children do. Ironically, it is like love in that regard - mysterious and nonsensical and supreme. Trying to figure it out is like trying to hold sunlight in your hand, just let it wash over you and through you. There are deeply personal things in a person's mind that are not meant to be understood by anyone else. This is their privilege and right, let it belong to them alone.
Thank you for this. Even though it is about someone I don't know and written by someone I don't know, I will take it as my own for just this day. At my age (61), death comes more frequently. Friend's parents, mentors, old friends, forgotten friends, distant family, close family. Our annual family newsletter lists the births, weddings, and deaths around our close network. The list of "You will be Missed" has muscled out the others so much, I've considered retiring it. After all the monthly newsletter at the retirement home wouldn't include obituaries, would it?
Hey folks, I know I promised you a traditional year-end wrap-up post where I list my bests and worsts and mosts and such, but after banging my head against a wall for several days, I’ve concluded that I can’t do it. The excuse is the same as always these days: the arrival of our baby destroyed my media consumption to the point where I just don’t have an adequate frame of reference to do the exercise. Yes, of course I read some books and saw some movies etc etc, but far fewer than usual and most didn’t come out in 2025 and I fell asleep through half of the TV shows we watched…. I decided it was best not to try and fake it. So here’s something else to mark the passage of time instead.
This is an amazing essay.
And I am already drowning in end-of-the-year listicles.
I prefer this. Memory eternal to your once & future friend.
I’m with Patrizia — amazing! Life as a kaleidoscope, not a list.
This is better!
Your writing is black coffee after too much sugar. Thank you.
Baby forcing you to a more human reference is the best of”excuses.” Sorry for your loss, Freddie.
Freddy, this is a best/worst article.
You brought the best into this world and felt the pain of the worst. Everything else is ephemeral, ultimately meaningless.
Big "The Mind Reels" writerly energy behind this post - I liked it, despite the sombre subject matter, better than an end of year wrap would have been. Besides, Matt already did his 2025 movies wrap-up, and consciously chose not to include Sinners + thought OBAA had dopey unworkable politics, so that was a tickling echo of your taking them down a peg. Says a lot about life that we still feel sad over the loss of long-lost friends. It's so easy to reach out again over the years, and mostly we...don't, for one excuse or another. Not until the worst happens, and then it's far too late. Definitely gonna be dusting off some contacts in 2026...meet the new year, same as the old year.
This essay is beautiful and perfect. Thank you.
I'm so sorry about your friend, Freddie. Thanks for telling us about him, maybe we can help you carry his memory so you don't have to do it alone.
A little girl says to her big sister, "I like Tommy, but Tommy doesn't like me. He likes Susie. What should I do?" Big sister says, "Get used to it."
I am 30 years older than Freddie. He went to Wilbert Snow elementary school. I knew Wilbert Snow. I stayed at his cabin in Maine.
You know that pain you get when your friends die?
It gets way worse.
"It gets way worse" ...and much more frequent, the older you get.
Thanks for sharing this, Freddie.
"May your good deeds persist and your children flourish." I like that, I'm going to use that.
Sorry for your loss.
Wow. A beautiful tribute. Since I know, through your writing, that you love Toni Morrison’s Sula as much as I do, I always found the last line of the novel to be the perfect encapsulation of grief: “It was a fine cry—loud and long—but it had no bottom and it had no top, just circles and circles of sorrow.”
This. made. me. cry.
This is what Heaven is - to remain in someone's memory as Kareem remains in Freddie's.
Lost a friend who I was never super close with to suicide about a year ago. This feeling of “stolen valor” grieving resonates deeply and has reminded me to grieve her again because why not. She was loved, even from afar. Thank you Freddie.
Great piece. Powerful and moving. Seems much truer to what the year was like for Freddie, and I’ll take that over a list any day.
Put me in mind of the opening line of a song by Mac McCaughan:
“Well it was a year when everybody died.”
The song: “Happy New Year (Prince Can’t Die Again),” released at the end of 2016.
https://open.spotify.com/track/2oaI956jzkjfkrvMJgZFao?si=W89YC4DaRvGvPrK9gE850w
I’m somewhat older than Freddie, so I started having feelings like he expresses here a decade or more back. Makes this even more meaningful for me. Sucks getting old, sometimes. Friends dying is maybe the worst part.
Vaya con dios scribo. It's uncanny how someone known only in words like yours can follow some of the same damn dance steps. Hold your boy close.
I'm sorry for your loss
Great bit of writing.
Add more of this literary pleasure to your next novel. I liked your first novel, but it lacked some of this... I've read enough of your stuff to appreciate when you write like this.
Sorry to hear about your childhood classmate, judging by his obit and comments he was a genuine stand-up guy.
Just remember, understanding is not required for acceptance. Accept the man's death like you accepted his life, open and free as children do. Ironically, it is like love in that regard - mysterious and nonsensical and supreme. Trying to figure it out is like trying to hold sunlight in your hand, just let it wash over you and through you. There are deeply personal things in a person's mind that are not meant to be understood by anyone else. This is their privilege and right, let it belong to them alone.
Thank you for this. Even though it is about someone I don't know and written by someone I don't know, I will take it as my own for just this day. At my age (61), death comes more frequently. Friend's parents, mentors, old friends, forgotten friends, distant family, close family. Our annual family newsletter lists the births, weddings, and deaths around our close network. The list of "You will be Missed" has muscled out the others so much, I've considered retiring it. After all the monthly newsletter at the retirement home wouldn't include obituaries, would it?