As I get older, explicitly political questions interest me less and less, and I’m motivated more and more to write about human conditions that are, in a sense, pre-political. I feel that intensely when it comes to the various conversations that we’re having about the role of digital technology in our lives.
This piece is what finally got me to upgrade to paid. It’s an important piece that expresses the inchoate fear and sadness a lot of Gen X folks have thinking about the lives of our younger friends and children.
The extent to which we are automating our own dehumanization, and doing it first on our children, terrifies me.
Wonderful piece. The photo of the kids doing jumps on their bikes really hit home.
The optimist in me says that the pendulum will swing back, and the importance of in-person interaction will be recognized again. With AI flooding the internet, not knowing who is who (or if it is a "who" vs "what"), elaborate scams, fraud, lack of digital security, etc etc—people wont let things stay that crazy forever. This is all so new and moving so fast; I suspect that if we take the patient long view, we will see human nature reassert itself, and most people will realize they don't find the 100% digital life ultimately fulfilling. There will always be some people will disappear into the AI internet and only interact with computers and trying to live out their own personal Black Mirror episode, but those people have always been around and will look for anything to distract them from existing.
One of the things that’s so frustrating about everything you’re describing here is that everyone you talk to seems to understand almost instinctually that it’s bad, but no one seems to want to do anything. Everyone understands it’s probably bad to have six hours of screen time a day, they understand it’s even worse for people to experience that basically from childhood. They know it’s bad because they know personally how empty it is. But we haven’t found a way to meaningfully “opt out” of any of it for the most part.
Because I lack self control, and because I finally realized what all this was doing to me, I switched to a flip phone. There are some people who get it, but almost everyone else treats me as if I am denying reality--the reality being that there is no escape from any of this. I really hope as time goes on I meet more people like the kids from that recent NYT article, people who are doing all they can to remove theirselves from the pit of hedonism you described so perfectly here
I remember seeing a lot of people justifying that screenshot up there with, "oh they're just introverts. It's fine."
I am what they'd call "an introvert", and let me tell ya, those answers do not sound like me when I'm in a healthy mood. Just spitballing here, but I would even posit that "being pleasantly alone" has suffered as much as "making meaningful human connections". There's just that grey fugue, interacting with a screen, not quite alone, not quite with others.
During the tail end of covid social distancing, my two nearly teen kids would gather outside with friends after having been stuck in the house for way too long. But the vibe of the peer group had shifted and my son shared a perfect summary: I always push to ride bikes because my friends with smartphones have to talk instead of looking at their screens.
A couple of those kids have fallen in to the world of online games, endless videos, and porn. Fewer teams and clubs, more isolation. I find it baffling that their parents allow the unfettered access but I think they see it as a social surrogate rather than the actual cause of the problem.
Wow, what a beautiful piece. I am very thankful my parents were pretty hands off and understood that part of growing up was making my own mistakes and experiencing the highs and lows of life. I had to get punched in the face, try to hit on a girl at a party and get shut down, get dumped and have my heart broken, drink until I threw up all over myself, take too much acid and have a bad trip, get fired from a job, say something dumb and get made fun of by a big group. But I eventually learned through trial and error and built resilience. And when the highs did come - getting laid, falling in love, camping and seeing the beauty of nature, hugging random strangers at a concert, partying with friends until sunrise, getting truly good at a few skills, reading something beautiful that stirred my soul - I appreciated the highs.
I tell my young one before things like cleaning a cut "it IS going to hurt, AND you'll be ok" in an attempt to teach her some things are painful and she doesn't need to be protected from that truth, and that she's strong enough to come out the other side. Hopefully this remains helpful as she is confronted with more existential issues as she grows
I love this piece. I've struggled a lot with coming to accept myself as who I am. I had a rough childhood and learned to disassociate from who I was/who my family was in order to make myself feel safe. This was before the social media era, so it's hard to imagine how it would be for a teenager today with all the tools at their disposal to get outside of themselves.
I recently started dating again, and something I've learned in my acceptance journey is to not take someone else not being interested in me as a personal failing. Learning that you can just not be a good match with someone and that that doesn't have to be interpreted as a reflection of your own self worth was very difficult, but I only got there by going out into the world and interacting with people. Hiding behind a screen and making online relationships can be an easy way to avoid in-person rejection, which is of course much harder to deal with then an online ghosting but I think if you are going to find the connection you seek, you have to put yourself out there whether it is painful or not.
But...I am an adult that sleeps with stuffed animals, and I won't give that up.
You are one of my favorite writers and this is one of the best articles you have written. I am grateful; you articulate what so many of us feel (and know) about being online.
In hindsight, Aldous Huxley may have been something of a sunny optimist...
This piece is what finally got me to upgrade to paid. It’s an important piece that expresses the inchoate fear and sadness a lot of Gen X folks have thinking about the lives of our younger friends and children.
The extent to which we are automating our own dehumanization, and doing it first on our children, terrifies me.
Yes, thank you for this.
Wonderful piece. The photo of the kids doing jumps on their bikes really hit home.
The optimist in me says that the pendulum will swing back, and the importance of in-person interaction will be recognized again. With AI flooding the internet, not knowing who is who (or if it is a "who" vs "what"), elaborate scams, fraud, lack of digital security, etc etc—people wont let things stay that crazy forever. This is all so new and moving so fast; I suspect that if we take the patient long view, we will see human nature reassert itself, and most people will realize they don't find the 100% digital life ultimately fulfilling. There will always be some people will disappear into the AI internet and only interact with computers and trying to live out their own personal Black Mirror episode, but those people have always been around and will look for anything to distract them from existing.
There is a balance somewhere.
One of the things that’s so frustrating about everything you’re describing here is that everyone you talk to seems to understand almost instinctually that it’s bad, but no one seems to want to do anything. Everyone understands it’s probably bad to have six hours of screen time a day, they understand it’s even worse for people to experience that basically from childhood. They know it’s bad because they know personally how empty it is. But we haven’t found a way to meaningfully “opt out” of any of it for the most part.
Because I lack self control, and because I finally realized what all this was doing to me, I switched to a flip phone. There are some people who get it, but almost everyone else treats me as if I am denying reality--the reality being that there is no escape from any of this. I really hope as time goes on I meet more people like the kids from that recent NYT article, people who are doing all they can to remove theirselves from the pit of hedonism you described so perfectly here
I remember seeing a lot of people justifying that screenshot up there with, "oh they're just introverts. It's fine."
I am what they'd call "an introvert", and let me tell ya, those answers do not sound like me when I'm in a healthy mood. Just spitballing here, but I would even posit that "being pleasantly alone" has suffered as much as "making meaningful human connections". There's just that grey fugue, interacting with a screen, not quite alone, not quite with others.
During the tail end of covid social distancing, my two nearly teen kids would gather outside with friends after having been stuck in the house for way too long. But the vibe of the peer group had shifted and my son shared a perfect summary: I always push to ride bikes because my friends with smartphones have to talk instead of looking at their screens.
A couple of those kids have fallen in to the world of online games, endless videos, and porn. Fewer teams and clubs, more isolation. I find it baffling that their parents allow the unfettered access but I think they see it as a social surrogate rather than the actual cause of the problem.
Great essay, thank you for putting this out in the world. Let's live real human lives instead of pining for some techno-fused simulacrum.
"into a pit of hedonistic distraction"..... great line.
Nice one Freddie
Wow, what a beautiful piece. I am very thankful my parents were pretty hands off and understood that part of growing up was making my own mistakes and experiencing the highs and lows of life. I had to get punched in the face, try to hit on a girl at a party and get shut down, get dumped and have my heart broken, drink until I threw up all over myself, take too much acid and have a bad trip, get fired from a job, say something dumb and get made fun of by a big group. But I eventually learned through trial and error and built resilience. And when the highs did come - getting laid, falling in love, camping and seeing the beauty of nature, hugging random strangers at a concert, partying with friends until sunrise, getting truly good at a few skills, reading something beautiful that stirred my soul - I appreciated the highs.
I tell my young one before things like cleaning a cut "it IS going to hurt, AND you'll be ok" in an attempt to teach her some things are painful and she doesn't need to be protected from that truth, and that she's strong enough to come out the other side. Hopefully this remains helpful as she is confronted with more existential issues as she grows
Jesus Christ I love this- you've completely touched on my problem with this kind of content and my malaise of the growing trend of AI.
I love this piece. I've struggled a lot with coming to accept myself as who I am. I had a rough childhood and learned to disassociate from who I was/who my family was in order to make myself feel safe. This was before the social media era, so it's hard to imagine how it would be for a teenager today with all the tools at their disposal to get outside of themselves.
I recently started dating again, and something I've learned in my acceptance journey is to not take someone else not being interested in me as a personal failing. Learning that you can just not be a good match with someone and that that doesn't have to be interpreted as a reflection of your own self worth was very difficult, but I only got there by going out into the world and interacting with people. Hiding behind a screen and making online relationships can be an easy way to avoid in-person rejection, which is of course much harder to deal with then an online ghosting but I think if you are going to find the connection you seek, you have to put yourself out there whether it is painful or not.
But...I am an adult that sleeps with stuffed animals, and I won't give that up.
You are one of my favorite writers and this is one of the best articles you have written. I am grateful; you articulate what so many of us feel (and know) about being online.