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Rosemary's avatar

After 15+ years of being involved in far left/rad left/woke left/whatever you want to call it left organizing and activism, I walked away from basically my entire social circle and 90% of my friends over this issue. I don’t think I’m particularly valuable as an activist (I was only ever the person who took the notes and made the coffee, and I was happy being that person), but I do think that my story isn’t crazy unusual, and I think that maybe the people engaging in this sort of craziness should think a little more about how many more of the note-takers and coffee-makers of the world the left really can afford to lose.

When I try to tell this story I get two common reactions. One is the motte and bailey: “no one” is making the crazy arguments I cite to, and I must be either stupid or deluded to think that they are.

The other is a No True Scotsman argument: I must not have really been committed to any of it in the first place. I was secretly conservative all along!

What actually happened was that the craziness of much of the rhetoric started me off with questioning my entire belief structure.

Much like a fundamentalist Christian might start asking themselves whether Noah *really* took two of every kind of animal onto a literal ark that floated on the face of the earth for however many days (and if so where did they store all the food???), and find that one question leads to another and suddenly the entire edifice of their faith has been lost, I found myself asking whether it was *really* my internalized privilege and white fragility that made me want to cry when I was called out in front of 300 people for mixing up the words systemic and systematic, and from there I found the entire structure of belief collapsing.

Some of my beliefs have been retained to be sure, since I did in fact sincerely believe much of it: I would like to see higher caps on immigration from Central America, as a random example.

But I can’t imagine ever being able to actually work on the issue with lefty activists ever again because the degree of purity testing is so high. Everyone is an activist for everything and wants to test everyone else on the subject, so I doubt I could attend an organizational meeting on immigration policy without being required to nod along with all sorts of opinions I no longer hold.

I confine my volunteering to soup kitchens etc these days, which is fine, and again it’s not like I think I am some terrible loss to activism; I just took the notes and made the coffee.

But it seems significant to me that I was driven out, first because it happened to me and I lost a lot of friends and I’m not over it yet, but also because if you can drive out a fifteen year note-taking veteran, who else are you driving out, or never bringing in? Is this really the way to change the world?

And because I do still care about a lot of the concrete goals, I possess a fury born of heartbreak that the only responses I typically get are either pretending that nothing untoward is happening, or suggesting I must have been a cuckoo in the nest all along.

Carina's avatar

“Abolish the family” might sound like something that will never happen (because it won’t happen) but some activists on the left are increasingly hostile to parents / parenting in a way that voters notice and loathe. I’ve been thinking about what happened in the Virginia election, especially after reading Matt Taibbi’s reporting on Loudon County – parents were shut out and demonized by school officials, and they were pissed and voted for Republicans.

I’ve also been troubled by the story of 2 teachers in California who bragged about the tactics they used for their LGBTQ club at their middle school (and have since been suspended from the club pending an investigation). The short version is that people are angry because they stalked the kids’ online activity to recruit members, and because of their efforts to conceal kids’ participation from parents. https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/Two-California-teachers-were-secretly-recorded-16732562.php

As a gay person, I’m obviously sympathetic to adolescents who are afraid to tell their parents they might be queer. Supportive teachers meant a lot to me and my queer friends. So I’m generally supportive of teachers providing a safe environment and not tattling to parents.

But what bothers me is how these teachers seemed to relish building a secret community that shut parents out. They didn’t encourage any kids to talk to their parents (surely not every single one was abusive?) They sound like they’re enjoying the fact that kids confide in them instead of Mom and Dad, because they get to feel morally superior and they don’t have to worry about anyone challenging their amateur diagnoses of troubled children.

Parents aren’t wrong to think some on the left are actively working to undermine them. When the family is perceived as a problem (parents aren’t woke) some activists are happy to sideline them in favor of their politics. “Abolish the family” won’t happen like “abolish the police” won’t happen, but the slogan reminds voters of real things going on that they hate.

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