This one goes in the “not particularly novel, just interesting to me” file. I was born and raised in the 1980s. This was a period of considerable immigration from Asia into the United States, as well as cultural influence. Chinese immigration continued at a significant clip, Japanese culture had exploded into the American mainstream, and the continuing fallout of the Vietnam War and related conflicts in Southeast Asia resulted in waves of Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Laotian migrants and refugees. (We’re all just living in Henry Kissinger’s world.) At the same time, the Asian American population remained very small overall, and popular culture like the film
As something of an aside but not entirely, I read that in the last few decades, Hispanic populations in Texas are increasing rapidly relative to the overall population. Other states probably are undergoing a comparable demographic shift.
A certain type screams "Muh Great Replacement ZOMG!" but there is a much simpler answer. In 1973, there was no status boost in identifying as Hispanic. If anything it was the opposite. In 2023, there are definite advantages to identifying as Hispanic.
“the urge of immigrant parents to push their children to assimilate is entirely understandable, and so is the desire of those children to reconnect with their heritage” - I think the opposite way round is common too (if anything, I think it’s more common, and it’s only a minority of second-generation immigrants undergo an awakening in college that makes them identify more than they used to with their parents’ culture, but I don’t have any stats on this). Thinking about my second-generation immigrant friends who I have had conversations about this stuff with, most of them grew up wanting to be more American while their parents were alarmed at how Americanized they had become.
Honestly, if it happens to everyone maybe it’s better to figure out how to get over it rather than working to make your racial heritage your defining characteristic.
That doesn’t mean you don’t get to claim an ethnic origin (if you’re so inclined). But I think that in America it makes more sense to try and claim your place *here* rather than demanding special privileges because your parents undertook a journey (immigration) that is ultimately the defining myth of this country.
And I say this as a first generation American with a refugee father.
I grew up in Vancouver, in a very multicultural neighbourhood. The only kid we never got to interact with was the daughter of Chinese immigrants. She was always indoors, practicing the piano. Her parents never allowed her to play with the rest of us. I don’t know why. This isn’t meant to be a profound observation; it’s just a thing this piece makes me remember.
Feeling rooted somewhere feels like a common human condition. At least it is for me. I wasn't born in US and often find myself thinking about my identity being linked to the culture and place I was from. But I know I wouldn't fit in there either. I guess the best thing is to find your "tribe" or family wherever you happen to be.
This is an old tale. My grandmother emigrated from Italy in the 1920's and refused to teach her children Italian in order that they would assimilate better. They in turn were resentful that they didn't learn Italian or more about Italy. Many people I've talked to over the years have told similar stories, regardless of ancestry.
Andrea Long Chu wrote an interesting essay about a similar topic, how mixed Asian kids (usually half white, half Asian) grow up and struggle to connect with their culture. The essay discusses several fiction books on this topic. https://www.vulture.com/2022/09/the-mixed-asian-metaphor.html
She concludes: “And if there is one conclusion to be reached from the mixed Asian experience, it is this: People want race. They want race to win them something, to tell them everything they were never told; they want friendship from it, or sex, or even love; and sometimes, they just want to be something or to have something to be.”
It reminded me of how some white college students are envious of their POC peers who can join associations for their race or ethnicity, groups that bond and celebrate their heritage. While being white, for good reason, means you don’t get to do that.
It's extraordinarily difficult to actually see past your own culture. Even when we try to turn away from our own culture, we usually end up embracing a critique that is itself well-established in the culture. Actual other cultures don't critique our culture on its own terms, they simply fail to understand it at all and critique the bastardized version that exists in their head (if they care about us at all).
A great example of this are atheists that embrace all the standard Puritan arguments against traditional religious expression, not realizing they're just retreading the same ground that was walked 400 years ago. Or decolonizers who recreate the liberal/romantic nationalist tradition from first principles. Even as they reject the outputs of the tradition they think they hate, they can't help but follow the same patterns of thought and the value systems that sit underneath it all.
A good tell for assimilation is the first name of the children of immigrants. In the United States, it seems most common to stick with a rather narrow range of English first-names, no matter how non-English the last name. Freddie deBoer, case in point. Lars deBoer just wouldn't be the name of a guy from Connecticut. Even Irish and Scottish first-names are rarely observed (always Patrick, never Padraig), and seem to be unpronounceable when they appear. This trend isn't as common in other countries. For example, Mohammad is a popular name in England. Somehthing about the culture of the US, its vast and inward provincialism, demands assimilation and uniformity.
I think it's mostly contextual. It was all fun and games making Jewish jokes to my brethren in New York before college. We get the jokes. Once in college in the Midwest and finding much of their knowledge of Jews came from Cartman I was less inclined to make those jokes, now that I was an outsider. At first what I was once forgiving of (such as first week of college when over dinner someone told me he was surprised I chewed with my mouth closed because he thought all Jews chewed with it open) briefly morphed into a Jewish "nationalist" phase where I strongly identified with an identity I had taken for granted before (lasted about a year before I got over it). But again, all these inclinations were determined by exterior forces. Feeling left out and alienated is a very strong and hurtful feeling. How one reacts to it is unpredictable.
Parents and children often have different, even competing, interests. In your friend's situation, it sounds like he felt rootless and alienated in America despite it being his birthplace. Being a Gen X or older Millennial Asian American guy would've had its unique set of alienating experiences too, which would explain why he was able to find some comfort—even if imagined—in Asia. His parents would've regarded America differently though, because whatever hardships they'd had in China, they did feel a sense of home, even if they had their issues with it.
It can swing the other way too, with immigrant parents who loved their formative years and youth back home so much that they demand that their kids want the same upbringing. Either way, being the same race or even being in the same family doesn't mean your motivations and interests will be perfectly aligned.
I've always guessed this phenomenon stems at least partly from the American suburbs being a cultural wasteland. Among white people, I'd see kids who grew up in a suburban subdivision with parents who worked for an insurance company lean hard into hunting, fishing and being a country boy. I've seen white kids from the same background lean into "weeb" culture, Black culture, a specific ethnicity (Italian, Irish, Polish, Jewish, etc.) that may or may not show up if they took 23 and Me. Hell I've seen kids learn elvish and base their identity around that. I think there is an innate human need to be part of a culture, and the American suburbs have no culture, so it's inevitable kids of all races in the suburbs will look into their roots to find culture. It's definitely more complicated for non-white kids, but I've seen non-white kids from the suburbs make a similar transformation, and embrace their ethnic roots when they go to college, seemingly searching for some sort of culture. I plan to raise my kids in a city, and while they may have a smaller house and "worse schools" than I did, I hope they're less bored than I was, and exposed to more art and culture. A lot of American cities are sort of culturally dead too, but I still think they're better than a lot of suburbs, which can be really, really sterile.
I grew up in a Jewish family in an area of the country with a lot of Irish heritage. Most of my friends in high school were very into their “Irishness”, despite being several generations removed from Ireland. I always thought this was kind of, I dunno, cringey? I feel similarly about my family hanging on to Jewish roots, without a religious belief beneath them.
Neither of these groups feel “alienated” from mainstream US culture. I think it’s more about feeling distinct from the mainstream (or less charitably, “interesting” or “special”.)
My guess is that for people with more visible minority heritage (like Asian Americans), it’s partly alienation and partly seeking this distinction. Both feelings tend to be more pronounced with young people.
Nice post...resonates with me as I've had many Asian American friends with similar experiences going back to high school and college. I met my now-wife (a children of Indian immigrants that came in the 70's) in college and watched her go through this, although she has always accepted not speaking an Indian language fluently and never felt particularly at home in India. For awhile she was learning formal Hindi but relatives in India would make fun of her for talking like a schoolteacher.
It has been wild to see how our mixed children deal with it. They have grown up much more around their Indian-American relatives. One identifies as white and the other as Indian-American, and they even argue about it. Most people in school and our community assume they are Latino until they know them. Lots of interesting conversations...they of course reserve the right to make fun of either of their parents along racialized lines when it suits their needs!
As something of an aside but not entirely, I read that in the last few decades, Hispanic populations in Texas are increasing rapidly relative to the overall population. Other states probably are undergoing a comparable demographic shift.
A certain type screams "Muh Great Replacement ZOMG!" but there is a much simpler answer. In 1973, there was no status boost in identifying as Hispanic. If anything it was the opposite. In 2023, there are definite advantages to identifying as Hispanic.
At least all cats have a tabby gene.
“the urge of immigrant parents to push their children to assimilate is entirely understandable, and so is the desire of those children to reconnect with their heritage” - I think the opposite way round is common too (if anything, I think it’s more common, and it’s only a minority of second-generation immigrants undergo an awakening in college that makes them identify more than they used to with their parents’ culture, but I don’t have any stats on this). Thinking about my second-generation immigrant friends who I have had conversations about this stuff with, most of them grew up wanting to be more American while their parents were alarmed at how Americanized they had become.
"For one thing, I’m opposed to patriotism in principle, for citizens of any country."
Is this different from "I'm opposed to any special love and loyalty towards one's own biological family, for any member of any family"?
"As in all things, I think the only righteous urge in this conversation is to complicate where others would simplify."
I think that's why a lot of us come here.
Honestly, if it happens to everyone maybe it’s better to figure out how to get over it rather than working to make your racial heritage your defining characteristic.
That doesn’t mean you don’t get to claim an ethnic origin (if you’re so inclined). But I think that in America it makes more sense to try and claim your place *here* rather than demanding special privileges because your parents undertook a journey (immigration) that is ultimately the defining myth of this country.
And I say this as a first generation American with a refugee father.
I grew up in Vancouver, in a very multicultural neighbourhood. The only kid we never got to interact with was the daughter of Chinese immigrants. She was always indoors, practicing the piano. Her parents never allowed her to play with the rest of us. I don’t know why. This isn’t meant to be a profound observation; it’s just a thing this piece makes me remember.
Feeling rooted somewhere feels like a common human condition. At least it is for me. I wasn't born in US and often find myself thinking about my identity being linked to the culture and place I was from. But I know I wouldn't fit in there either. I guess the best thing is to find your "tribe" or family wherever you happen to be.
This is an old tale. My grandmother emigrated from Italy in the 1920's and refused to teach her children Italian in order that they would assimilate better. They in turn were resentful that they didn't learn Italian or more about Italy. Many people I've talked to over the years have told similar stories, regardless of ancestry.
Andrea Long Chu wrote an interesting essay about a similar topic, how mixed Asian kids (usually half white, half Asian) grow up and struggle to connect with their culture. The essay discusses several fiction books on this topic. https://www.vulture.com/2022/09/the-mixed-asian-metaphor.html
She concludes: “And if there is one conclusion to be reached from the mixed Asian experience, it is this: People want race. They want race to win them something, to tell them everything they were never told; they want friendship from it, or sex, or even love; and sometimes, they just want to be something or to have something to be.”
It reminded me of how some white college students are envious of their POC peers who can join associations for their race or ethnicity, groups that bond and celebrate their heritage. While being white, for good reason, means you don’t get to do that.
It's extraordinarily difficult to actually see past your own culture. Even when we try to turn away from our own culture, we usually end up embracing a critique that is itself well-established in the culture. Actual other cultures don't critique our culture on its own terms, they simply fail to understand it at all and critique the bastardized version that exists in their head (if they care about us at all).
A great example of this are atheists that embrace all the standard Puritan arguments against traditional religious expression, not realizing they're just retreading the same ground that was walked 400 years ago. Or decolonizers who recreate the liberal/romantic nationalist tradition from first principles. Even as they reject the outputs of the tradition they think they hate, they can't help but follow the same patterns of thought and the value systems that sit underneath it all.
A good tell for assimilation is the first name of the children of immigrants. In the United States, it seems most common to stick with a rather narrow range of English first-names, no matter how non-English the last name. Freddie deBoer, case in point. Lars deBoer just wouldn't be the name of a guy from Connecticut. Even Irish and Scottish first-names are rarely observed (always Patrick, never Padraig), and seem to be unpronounceable when they appear. This trend isn't as common in other countries. For example, Mohammad is a popular name in England. Somehthing about the culture of the US, its vast and inward provincialism, demands assimilation and uniformity.
I think it's mostly contextual. It was all fun and games making Jewish jokes to my brethren in New York before college. We get the jokes. Once in college in the Midwest and finding much of their knowledge of Jews came from Cartman I was less inclined to make those jokes, now that I was an outsider. At first what I was once forgiving of (such as first week of college when over dinner someone told me he was surprised I chewed with my mouth closed because he thought all Jews chewed with it open) briefly morphed into a Jewish "nationalist" phase where I strongly identified with an identity I had taken for granted before (lasted about a year before I got over it). But again, all these inclinations were determined by exterior forces. Feeling left out and alienated is a very strong and hurtful feeling. How one reacts to it is unpredictable.
Parents and children often have different, even competing, interests. In your friend's situation, it sounds like he felt rootless and alienated in America despite it being his birthplace. Being a Gen X or older Millennial Asian American guy would've had its unique set of alienating experiences too, which would explain why he was able to find some comfort—even if imagined—in Asia. His parents would've regarded America differently though, because whatever hardships they'd had in China, they did feel a sense of home, even if they had their issues with it.
It can swing the other way too, with immigrant parents who loved their formative years and youth back home so much that they demand that their kids want the same upbringing. Either way, being the same race or even being in the same family doesn't mean your motivations and interests will be perfectly aligned.
I've always guessed this phenomenon stems at least partly from the American suburbs being a cultural wasteland. Among white people, I'd see kids who grew up in a suburban subdivision with parents who worked for an insurance company lean hard into hunting, fishing and being a country boy. I've seen white kids from the same background lean into "weeb" culture, Black culture, a specific ethnicity (Italian, Irish, Polish, Jewish, etc.) that may or may not show up if they took 23 and Me. Hell I've seen kids learn elvish and base their identity around that. I think there is an innate human need to be part of a culture, and the American suburbs have no culture, so it's inevitable kids of all races in the suburbs will look into their roots to find culture. It's definitely more complicated for non-white kids, but I've seen non-white kids from the suburbs make a similar transformation, and embrace their ethnic roots when they go to college, seemingly searching for some sort of culture. I plan to raise my kids in a city, and while they may have a smaller house and "worse schools" than I did, I hope they're less bored than I was, and exposed to more art and culture. A lot of American cities are sort of culturally dead too, but I still think they're better than a lot of suburbs, which can be really, really sterile.
I grew up in a Jewish family in an area of the country with a lot of Irish heritage. Most of my friends in high school were very into their “Irishness”, despite being several generations removed from Ireland. I always thought this was kind of, I dunno, cringey? I feel similarly about my family hanging on to Jewish roots, without a religious belief beneath them.
Neither of these groups feel “alienated” from mainstream US culture. I think it’s more about feeling distinct from the mainstream (or less charitably, “interesting” or “special”.)
My guess is that for people with more visible minority heritage (like Asian Americans), it’s partly alienation and partly seeking this distinction. Both feelings tend to be more pronounced with young people.
Nice post...resonates with me as I've had many Asian American friends with similar experiences going back to high school and college. I met my now-wife (a children of Indian immigrants that came in the 70's) in college and watched her go through this, although she has always accepted not speaking an Indian language fluently and never felt particularly at home in India. For awhile she was learning formal Hindi but relatives in India would make fun of her for talking like a schoolteacher.
It has been wild to see how our mixed children deal with it. They have grown up much more around their Indian-American relatives. One identifies as white and the other as Indian-American, and they even argue about it. Most people in school and our community assume they are Latino until they know them. Lots of interesting conversations...they of course reserve the right to make fun of either of their parents along racialized lines when it suits their needs!