This piece in The New York Times details how Halloween and other holiday celebrations have been canceled at some public schools, under extremely vague equality terms. The best the article can muster is that this action has been taken in the spirit of “building equity, fostering inclusion, and building a sense of belonging throughout our schools.” It seems that because some kids come from families that don’t do Halloween - Jehovah’s Witnesses? I don’t know, the piece is bizarrely silent on the question - nobody should be able to do Halloween stuff at school. As New Jersey’s (Democrat) governor says, this sounds pretty fucking stupid! The small minority of kids who don’t do Halloween are watching Halloween stuff on YouTube and TikTok and Disney+, they’re seeing Halloween decorations in front of house after house, they’re aware of the Halloween displays in stores, they’re listening to their peers talk about their costumes and parties and trick or treating. They know about Halloween. They’re gonna be sad about not participating whether their 2nd grade class cancels their party or not. You have the right not to do Halloween in your family, but the resulting sadness for your kid is on you. Why deprive other kids?
I'm guessing that this idea that "you can do anything" messaging showered on the young also makes it harder to transition to adulthood - at some point, people stop showering you with those kinds of encouragements and you are expected to do your fucking job. Both finding out that you can't do anything just because you would like to, and abruptly hearing way less of that sort of encouragement just as you are becoming responsible for making your own way, I wonder if this in part explains the failure to launch scenarios of many late 20s living with their parents.
Orwell said that the story of every life when seen from the inside is mostly a story of failure. Anyone who can't acknowledge that truth is an emotional and intellectual child and shouldn't be in charge of anything.
Following one's dreams incurs a price. The further one is from having what would traditionally be considered the capabilities to achieve the dream, the higher the price. Even when you have all the requisite abilities, following a dream exacts a toll. If someone wants to follow their dream, and pour everything they have into it, I think that's a great thing to attempt; there can be honor and character built even if they fail. But adults should be up front about the cost.
As for equity in favor of removing Halloween? The more I see of equity, the more it shows itself to be the "chopping everyone's legs off so that everyone is equally short and no one can see the baseball game" version of the cute little cartoon cartoon scene.
Semi-related. We have several elementary schools in our town. Field trips at each school are partially funded by PTA funds, which have traditionally been raised at each school (so uneven budgets). This fact was pointed out, and the powers that be immediately cancelled all field trips for all kids at all schools because... equity. This includes field trips that cost zero dollars. Sharing budgets is apparently not an option because that does not resolve the disparity that some schools/PTAs spend more time planning field trips than others. Not sure how this one gets resolved.
I have flashbacks to honors math classes in 9th and 10th grade. Most kids who couldn't hack it dropped out and moved to regular math, but not David. We would spend almost the entire class (so it seemed, likely 10 or 20 minutes) going over the previous day's work at detail because David didn't understand it. It was frustrating for the entire class. His parents wouldn't let him drop.
On the other hand, as a parent of autistic children, I have battled schools since kindergarten. At the same time, I accept their limitations, but I still hope they can eventually live normal adult lives..... it was nice when we found disability focused groups, such as Miracle League. We had tried them in normal sports and it was a disaster, for them, for us, for the coaches. Accepting that normal activities don't quite work is difficult, but liberating.
Hit this one clean out of the ballpark! As a retired educator - 3 years now - I saw firsthand this “you can do anything” mindset, upend many many classrooms and children. Watching 22 kids try to concentrate on a lesson while the school psychologist tries to corner the emotionally disturbed classified student who is having a major meltdown again is heartbreaking for all involved. Yet, in the name of inclusion a child who clearly needs to be in a very different environment has parents who believe he can be anything-but what he really is. Being a third grader able to name all the countries in Africa is, quirky, but not being able to understand that touching another student after being repeatedly told no is another thing entirely. The autistic child deserves to be recognized, respected and included. But sometimes this simply cannot be achieved and the “you can be anything you want” dogma has infected too many children and parents for far too long
THANK YOU for talking about the Halloween thing! This is exactly what I’m thinking right now, as my son’s preschool class won’t be celebrating Halloween this year (they are not allowed to wear costumes or bring any treats to school), ostensibly because there are 1-2 Muslim kids in the class whose parents are against it. It’s of course a small deal in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel... I guess vaguely annoyed? with the immigrant community here. Not hateful, not bigoted, not angry or wishing anyone harm, just like: why you gotta be such a drag? In the name of making you feel ‘included’, we have to practice our culture less, my kid gets to have less fun? Why?? I didn’t even know this was going on in many places and seems to be stemming from some decision at the national level, that actually makes me think differently about it. Thank you for writing about this stuff though because it seems trivial especially to people who don’t have kids, but all these little things add up and matter in day-to-day life.
I’m always conflicted about activities that involve families in school, because it’s generally a good thing but sucks for the kids who can’t participate. Like Mother’s Day (some kids don’t have a mom), or family heritage assignments where it’s expected that kids are connected to their specific ethnicity, or anything requiring parents to be present during the school day.
Recently, my kid’s school had an art show at 2pm and some parents couldn’t come (I assume because of work). One kid was almost crying because nobody came for him. We went to his station and spent a lot of time praising the art, but it wasn’t the same.
Of course it’s just reality that some kids don’t have nuclear families, or involved parents, or parents with PTO. It doesn’t mean we should cancel everything. Still, I feel like there’s a balance — they should do their best to have built-in alternatives (“Interview a grandparent OR any old person”). Have some evening activities. Don’t cancel Halloween, but keep a few simple costumes in the classroom for any kid who needs one (or just give them candy -- I don't remember wearing a costume most years, just coloring a pumpkin and eating sweets, stuff like that).
I was unaware of the NYT piece, but it is perfect timing. My kids' (super liberal) school system has gone out of its way this year to ban Halloween. The nearby elementary school did a neighborhood parade for years, cancelled that last year and now is basically begging people not to send their kids in costume on Halloween.
One email included the vague equity, inclusion language, which was infuriating. The DEI people are really their own worst enemies most of the time.
Not only is it impossible to make everyone happy, but some inclusions are privileged over others.
Suppose the local creationists were to demand that the Science Fair takes their claims seriously?
Suppose the local skinhead family were to complain that Anne Frank Day triggers them and makes them feel unsafe?
Lessee, why can't students majoring in street pharmacology use the school chemistry lab to test their hypothesis concerning "L-Carbylase as a Phosgene Substitute For Industrial Scale Production of Tranq - Shit is *Tight*, Yo!{"
I'd like to put forward the radical proposition that school activities should revolve around the classroom, and not around Halloween, Hanukah, Eid or any other festival that gets celebrated in full in countless other civic, family and religious spheres.
Wow, there are a lot of ideas in this short essay! The liberal desire for inclusion at all costs is starting to get pushback. I really enjoyed this piece from a few years ago challenging the cliche of the first or second-gen immigrant kid being made fun of in the lunchroom:
For parents, sports and music are a great way for your children to learn humility and to build emotional resilience! My son did Little League until he aged out, and then decided he wasn't that good and was done with it. He was fine. Now he's really into playing music with the various school bands and loves it, but there are constant reminders that someone is always better. It doesn't make him sad or frustrated...he appreciates their talent and pushes himself to get better in a healthy way. Our younger kid is starting to learn these lessons as well, but she has always been one to eschew competition in favor of individual or collaborative pursuits.
When I was around eight or nine years old, I was watching Sesame Street. Savion Glover, the world famous tap dancer, was talking to Elmo about never giving up, and following his dreams. Then he performed a dazzling tap routine while singing something about how "You can do anything if you put your mind to it."
And in that moment, in my little eight or nine year old mind, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I put my mind to it and never gave up, I had just about as much of a chance at becoming a world famous tap dancer as Elmo did. And Elmo doesn't have feet.
On the Halloween piece specifically, my theory is the concern is that low-income kids don’t have access to the same types of costumes as their better-off peers. That was less of an issue in the past, when homemade costumes were the norm, but these days there really is going to be a difference between the kid wearing a blue t-shirt with an S on the front and a red sheet for a cape and the kid whose parents forked out $30 for DC’s official costume.
I’m not sure why that’s worse than all the other ways people can tell the poor kids from the rich kids every other day of the year, but it’s the only explanation that makes any sense to me. It’s not like people opposing Halloween for religious reasons are a new thing.
I think one of the reasons we are a bit desperate to sell kids on the idea that “anyone can do anything” is because of the increasing stakes, academically, of failure to do something. Propaganda is usually tailored to patch the glaring holes in a system.
I see this in how kids are admitted into the NYC High School system - yes, there is a lottery component, but it’s primarily about your academic tier. There are six tiers. If you are not in tier 1 (which means, basically, straight As with only a few A-s or B+s sprinkled about in your 7th grade results)... you are not getting into the best public high schools*.
This increasingly narrow focus on getting top grades in everything or you are nothing is... bad. It obscures the point of an education, which is not just to perform a skill, but to know what a body of knowledge is about, and where to find out more about it... and maybe even (heaven forbid) *enjoy* learning about something, even if you are not particularly distinguished at it. Learning to enjoy learning should be one of the key things we should be teaching, and we’re doing the opposite.
A concrete example - I was not an athlete as a kid, nowhere close, although I was pretty skinny without trying. One day, in my junior year, we had an open six hundred yard dash that the coach of the track team was watching. For whatever reason, I was highly motivated, ran my heart out (I remember dry heaves afterwards) and came in fourth of a hundred kids. I wheesily asked the coach if that was good enough for the team, and I still remember his response - “For the girl’s team.”
I got the message, and didn’t bother with running again until I was almost 30.
Wouldn’t have been nice to be told, “That was a great effort. You probably need to practice at that level a lot more consistently to make the team,” or “I don’t think you can make the team, but put that effort into running regularly and it will serve you well for decades.”
By only choosing to encourage the best performances, the A’s, because that’s what you need to do well in our increasingly narrow paths to a comfortable life through academics, we short change the vast majority of people who will never discover a new theorem (but enjoys math puzzles,) will never publish poetry in Japanese (but really enjoys learning a new language), will never run a sub-five mile (but could really use regular cardio to have a long and healthy life...)
Perhaps if we didn’t demand doing things excellently or not at all, then encouraging people to believe they can do anything wouldn’t be so harmful.
* yes, there is also SH**SAT -> specialized HS route. If you can ace that, you’re in tier 1 anyways...
Everyone Can't Do Everything
I'm guessing that this idea that "you can do anything" messaging showered on the young also makes it harder to transition to adulthood - at some point, people stop showering you with those kinds of encouragements and you are expected to do your fucking job. Both finding out that you can't do anything just because you would like to, and abruptly hearing way less of that sort of encouragement just as you are becoming responsible for making your own way, I wonder if this in part explains the failure to launch scenarios of many late 20s living with their parents.
Orwell said that the story of every life when seen from the inside is mostly a story of failure. Anyone who can't acknowledge that truth is an emotional and intellectual child and shouldn't be in charge of anything.
Following one's dreams incurs a price. The further one is from having what would traditionally be considered the capabilities to achieve the dream, the higher the price. Even when you have all the requisite abilities, following a dream exacts a toll. If someone wants to follow their dream, and pour everything they have into it, I think that's a great thing to attempt; there can be honor and character built even if they fail. But adults should be up front about the cost.
As for equity in favor of removing Halloween? The more I see of equity, the more it shows itself to be the "chopping everyone's legs off so that everyone is equally short and no one can see the baseball game" version of the cute little cartoon cartoon scene.
Semi-related. We have several elementary schools in our town. Field trips at each school are partially funded by PTA funds, which have traditionally been raised at each school (so uneven budgets). This fact was pointed out, and the powers that be immediately cancelled all field trips for all kids at all schools because... equity. This includes field trips that cost zero dollars. Sharing budgets is apparently not an option because that does not resolve the disparity that some schools/PTAs spend more time planning field trips than others. Not sure how this one gets resolved.
I have flashbacks to honors math classes in 9th and 10th grade. Most kids who couldn't hack it dropped out and moved to regular math, but not David. We would spend almost the entire class (so it seemed, likely 10 or 20 minutes) going over the previous day's work at detail because David didn't understand it. It was frustrating for the entire class. His parents wouldn't let him drop.
On the other hand, as a parent of autistic children, I have battled schools since kindergarten. At the same time, I accept their limitations, but I still hope they can eventually live normal adult lives..... it was nice when we found disability focused groups, such as Miracle League. We had tried them in normal sports and it was a disaster, for them, for us, for the coaches. Accepting that normal activities don't quite work is difficult, but liberating.
Hit this one clean out of the ballpark! As a retired educator - 3 years now - I saw firsthand this “you can do anything” mindset, upend many many classrooms and children. Watching 22 kids try to concentrate on a lesson while the school psychologist tries to corner the emotionally disturbed classified student who is having a major meltdown again is heartbreaking for all involved. Yet, in the name of inclusion a child who clearly needs to be in a very different environment has parents who believe he can be anything-but what he really is. Being a third grader able to name all the countries in Africa is, quirky, but not being able to understand that touching another student after being repeatedly told no is another thing entirely. The autistic child deserves to be recognized, respected and included. But sometimes this simply cannot be achieved and the “you can be anything you want” dogma has infected too many children and parents for far too long
THANK YOU for talking about the Halloween thing! This is exactly what I’m thinking right now, as my son’s preschool class won’t be celebrating Halloween this year (they are not allowed to wear costumes or bring any treats to school), ostensibly because there are 1-2 Muslim kids in the class whose parents are against it. It’s of course a small deal in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel... I guess vaguely annoyed? with the immigrant community here. Not hateful, not bigoted, not angry or wishing anyone harm, just like: why you gotta be such a drag? In the name of making you feel ‘included’, we have to practice our culture less, my kid gets to have less fun? Why?? I didn’t even know this was going on in many places and seems to be stemming from some decision at the national level, that actually makes me think differently about it. Thank you for writing about this stuff though because it seems trivial especially to people who don’t have kids, but all these little things add up and matter in day-to-day life.
I’m always conflicted about activities that involve families in school, because it’s generally a good thing but sucks for the kids who can’t participate. Like Mother’s Day (some kids don’t have a mom), or family heritage assignments where it’s expected that kids are connected to their specific ethnicity, or anything requiring parents to be present during the school day.
Recently, my kid’s school had an art show at 2pm and some parents couldn’t come (I assume because of work). One kid was almost crying because nobody came for him. We went to his station and spent a lot of time praising the art, but it wasn’t the same.
Of course it’s just reality that some kids don’t have nuclear families, or involved parents, or parents with PTO. It doesn’t mean we should cancel everything. Still, I feel like there’s a balance — they should do their best to have built-in alternatives (“Interview a grandparent OR any old person”). Have some evening activities. Don’t cancel Halloween, but keep a few simple costumes in the classroom for any kid who needs one (or just give them candy -- I don't remember wearing a costume most years, just coloring a pumpkin and eating sweets, stuff like that).
I was unaware of the NYT piece, but it is perfect timing. My kids' (super liberal) school system has gone out of its way this year to ban Halloween. The nearby elementary school did a neighborhood parade for years, cancelled that last year and now is basically begging people not to send their kids in costume on Halloween.
One email included the vague equity, inclusion language, which was infuriating. The DEI people are really their own worst enemies most of the time.
Not only is it impossible to make everyone happy, but some inclusions are privileged over others.
Suppose the local creationists were to demand that the Science Fair takes their claims seriously?
Suppose the local skinhead family were to complain that Anne Frank Day triggers them and makes them feel unsafe?
Lessee, why can't students majoring in street pharmacology use the school chemistry lab to test their hypothesis concerning "L-Carbylase as a Phosgene Substitute For Industrial Scale Production of Tranq - Shit is *Tight*, Yo!{"
I'd like to put forward the radical proposition that school activities should revolve around the classroom, and not around Halloween, Hanukah, Eid or any other festival that gets celebrated in full in countless other civic, family and religious spheres.
Wow, there are a lot of ideas in this short essay! The liberal desire for inclusion at all costs is starting to get pushback. I really enjoyed this piece from a few years ago challenging the cliche of the first or second-gen immigrant kid being made fun of in the lunchroom:
https://www.eater.com/22239499/lunchbox-moment-pop-culture-tropes
For parents, sports and music are a great way for your children to learn humility and to build emotional resilience! My son did Little League until he aged out, and then decided he wasn't that good and was done with it. He was fine. Now he's really into playing music with the various school bands and loves it, but there are constant reminders that someone is always better. It doesn't make him sad or frustrated...he appreciates their talent and pushes himself to get better in a healthy way. Our younger kid is starting to learn these lessons as well, but she has always been one to eschew competition in favor of individual or collaborative pursuits.
When I was around eight or nine years old, I was watching Sesame Street. Savion Glover, the world famous tap dancer, was talking to Elmo about never giving up, and following his dreams. Then he performed a dazzling tap routine while singing something about how "You can do anything if you put your mind to it."
And in that moment, in my little eight or nine year old mind, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I put my mind to it and never gave up, I had just about as much of a chance at becoming a world famous tap dancer as Elmo did. And Elmo doesn't have feet.
Great piece as usual, Freddie.
On the Halloween piece specifically, my theory is the concern is that low-income kids don’t have access to the same types of costumes as their better-off peers. That was less of an issue in the past, when homemade costumes were the norm, but these days there really is going to be a difference between the kid wearing a blue t-shirt with an S on the front and a red sheet for a cape and the kid whose parents forked out $30 for DC’s official costume.
I’m not sure why that’s worse than all the other ways people can tell the poor kids from the rich kids every other day of the year, but it’s the only explanation that makes any sense to me. It’s not like people opposing Halloween for religious reasons are a new thing.
How is the adults telling the blind kid that he can play football different from adults telling a female child that she can be a male?
I think one of the reasons we are a bit desperate to sell kids on the idea that “anyone can do anything” is because of the increasing stakes, academically, of failure to do something. Propaganda is usually tailored to patch the glaring holes in a system.
I see this in how kids are admitted into the NYC High School system - yes, there is a lottery component, but it’s primarily about your academic tier. There are six tiers. If you are not in tier 1 (which means, basically, straight As with only a few A-s or B+s sprinkled about in your 7th grade results)... you are not getting into the best public high schools*.
This increasingly narrow focus on getting top grades in everything or you are nothing is... bad. It obscures the point of an education, which is not just to perform a skill, but to know what a body of knowledge is about, and where to find out more about it... and maybe even (heaven forbid) *enjoy* learning about something, even if you are not particularly distinguished at it. Learning to enjoy learning should be one of the key things we should be teaching, and we’re doing the opposite.
A concrete example - I was not an athlete as a kid, nowhere close, although I was pretty skinny without trying. One day, in my junior year, we had an open six hundred yard dash that the coach of the track team was watching. For whatever reason, I was highly motivated, ran my heart out (I remember dry heaves afterwards) and came in fourth of a hundred kids. I wheesily asked the coach if that was good enough for the team, and I still remember his response - “For the girl’s team.”
I got the message, and didn’t bother with running again until I was almost 30.
Wouldn’t have been nice to be told, “That was a great effort. You probably need to practice at that level a lot more consistently to make the team,” or “I don’t think you can make the team, but put that effort into running regularly and it will serve you well for decades.”
By only choosing to encourage the best performances, the A’s, because that’s what you need to do well in our increasingly narrow paths to a comfortable life through academics, we short change the vast majority of people who will never discover a new theorem (but enjoys math puzzles,) will never publish poetry in Japanese (but really enjoys learning a new language), will never run a sub-five mile (but could really use regular cardio to have a long and healthy life...)
Perhaps if we didn’t demand doing things excellently or not at all, then encouraging people to believe they can do anything wouldn’t be so harmful.
* yes, there is also SH**SAT -> specialized HS route. If you can ace that, you’re in tier 1 anyways...