This piece in The New York Times details how Halloween and other holiday celebrations have been canceled at some public schools, under extremely vague equality terms. The best the article can muster is that this action has been taken in the spirit of “building equity, fostering inclusion, and building a sense of belonging throughout our schools.” It seems that because some kids come from families that don’t do Halloween - Jehovah’s Witnesses? I don’t know, the piece is bizarrely silent on the question - nobody should be able to do Halloween stuff at school. As New Jersey’s (Democrat) governor says, this sounds pretty fucking stupid! The small minority of kids who don’t do Halloween are watching Halloween stuff on YouTube and TikTok and Disney+, they’re seeing Halloween decorations in front of house after house, they’re aware of the Halloween displays in stores, they’re listening to their peers talk about their costumes and parties and trick or treating. They know about Halloween. They’re gonna be sad about not participating whether their 2nd grade class cancels their party or not. You have the right not to do Halloween in your family, but the resulting sadness for your kid is on you. Why deprive other kids?
I'm guessing that this idea that "you can do anything" messaging showered on the young also makes it harder to transition to adulthood - at some point, people stop showering you with those kinds of encouragements and you are expected to do your fucking job. Both finding out that you can't do anything just because you would like to, and abruptly hearing way less of that sort of encouragement just as you are becoming responsible for making your own way, I wonder if this in part explains the failure to launch scenarios of many late 20s living with their parents.
All of this stuff occasionally feels like a load of AWFL bureaucrats (private and public sector alike) took away the wrong message from Snoop Dogg's "Ain't No Fun (If The Homies Can't Have None)".
All good points, Freddie, and as usual very well articulated. I raised 3 kids with the idea that reasonable goals were the way to go. I recognized my own limitations when I was pretty young and also realized success has a lot of luck involved . Reasonable expectations (including about other peoples' behaviors) leads to a lot less disappointment and fewer emotional upsets. I never dreamed big and ended up with way more than I expected.
Orwell said that the story of every life when seen from the inside is mostly a story of failure. Anyone who can't acknowledge that truth is an emotional and intellectual child and shouldn't be in charge of anything.
On the Halloween piece specifically, my theory is the concern is that low-income kids don’t have access to the same types of costumes as their better-off peers. That was less of an issue in the past, when homemade costumes were the norm, but these days there really is going to be a difference between the kid wearing a blue t-shirt with an S on the front and a red sheet for a cape and the kid whose parents forked out $30 for DC’s official costume.
I’m not sure why that’s worse than all the other ways people can tell the poor kids from the rich kids every other day of the year, but it’s the only explanation that makes any sense to me. It’s not like people opposing Halloween for religious reasons are a new thing.
Wow, there are a lot of ideas in this short essay! The liberal desire for inclusion at all costs is starting to get pushback. I really enjoyed this piece from a few years ago challenging the cliche of the first or second-gen immigrant kid being made fun of in the lunchroom:
For parents, sports and music are a great way for your children to learn humility and to build emotional resilience! My son did Little League until he aged out, and then decided he wasn't that good and was done with it. He was fine. Now he's really into playing music with the various school bands and loves it, but there are constant reminders that someone is always better. It doesn't make him sad or frustrated...he appreciates their talent and pushes himself to get better in a healthy way. Our younger kid is starting to learn these lessons as well, but she has always been one to eschew competition in favor of individual or collaborative pursuits.
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you on the Halloween thing. There are many, many more scenarios that involve kids whose parents can't provide a costume than there are scenarios where, for whatever reason, the parents don't want the kid to participate in Halloween for religious reasons. Being the kid whose mom or dad is too drunk or drug-addled to be arsed to get the kid a costume is humiliating. You also have parents who simply can't afford it, and not having to show up in costume at school preserves the dignity of both the parent and the child.
Looking at it from the perspective of the teachers--having the kids in their costumes all day must be a nightmare. Kid trips over another kid's tail. what to do with swords, pitchforks, helmets and other accessories? What about the kid in the onesie dragon costume having to go to the bathroom?
No. No. No. No. Just give them a cupcake in the afternoon and call it good. Save the costumes for trick or treating.
I have flashbacks to honors math classes in 9th and 10th grade. Most kids who couldn't hack it dropped out and moved to regular math, but not David. We would spend almost the entire class (so it seemed, likely 10 or 20 minutes) going over the previous day's work at detail because David didn't understand it. It was frustrating for the entire class. His parents wouldn't let him drop.
On the other hand, as a parent of autistic children, I have battled schools since kindergarten. At the same time, I accept their limitations, but I still hope they can eventually live normal adult lives..... it was nice when we found disability focused groups, such as Miracle League. We had tried them in normal sports and it was a disaster, for them, for us, for the coaches. Accepting that normal activities don't quite work is difficult, but liberating.
I'd like to put forward the radical proposition that school activities should revolve around the classroom, and not around Halloween, Hanukah, Eid or any other festival that gets celebrated in full in countless other civic, family and religious spheres.
Not only is it impossible to make everyone happy, but some inclusions are privileged over others.
Suppose the local creationists were to demand that the Science Fair takes their claims seriously?
Suppose the local skinhead family were to complain that Anne Frank Day triggers them and makes them feel unsafe?
Lessee, why can't students majoring in street pharmacology use the school chemistry lab to test their hypothesis concerning "L-Carbylase as a Phosgene Substitute For Industrial Scale Production of Tranq - Shit is *Tight*, Yo!{"
Following one's dreams incurs a price. The further one is from having what would traditionally be considered the capabilities to achieve the dream, the higher the price. Even when you have all the requisite abilities, following a dream exacts a toll. If someone wants to follow their dream, and pour everything they have into it, I think that's a great thing to attempt; there can be honor and character built even if they fail. But adults should be up front about the cost.
As for equity in favor of removing Halloween? The more I see of equity, the more it shows itself to be the "chopping everyone's legs off so that everyone is equally short and no one can see the baseball game" version of the cute little cartoon cartoon scene.
I was unaware of the NYT piece, but it is perfect timing. My kids' (super liberal) school system has gone out of its way this year to ban Halloween. The nearby elementary school did a neighborhood parade for years, cancelled that last year and now is basically begging people not to send their kids in costume on Halloween.
One email included the vague equity, inclusion language, which was infuriating. The DEI people are really their own worst enemies most of the time.
I haven't looked at the vague language justifying the ban on Halloween costumes, but the main justification that I would have jumped to is that costumes require a bit of disposable funds and some time on the part of the parents, and a child whose household doesn't have those resources and who sees most of their friends showing off cool costumes in school might feel that this is being rubbed in. I can understand some concern about that. At the same time, I still tend to come down on the side of not depriving the rest of the class based on this, especially given Freddie's point that in the age of Instagram and TikTok all of this is going to be rubbed in anyway. (Although, I don't know, do kids without the resources to get Halloween costumes have much access to social media? Not having been a kid or parented a kid during the age of social media, I don't have a clear idea how that works.)
All that said, when I was growing up, I don't recall any kids going to school in costume at all around Halloween (maybe a tiny bit, with a few students, in high school, but a minority). Halloween felt like a several-hours-long evening holiday, completely separate from school, apart from a few decorations put up in the classroom. I honestly can't recall teachers giving out candy, even. Has it really become the norm for, say, elementary-school-age kids to show up at school in costume on Halloween?
If it is about families not having money for costumes, I get it. Have all kids make a mask to wear in school for the party/parade: problem solved. Now, some of those kids will be better able to create an artistically pleasing mask...
All this angst over getting a fair share of the pie when the greatest problem is that on the whole it’s a shit pie. Notice, too, that the complaint about not being able to pursue the culturally rich tradition of Halloween (with all its devotion to psychotic horror) echoes the Fox News campaign for restoring “Merry Christmas” from its banishment by the secular humanist “Happy Holidays.” Bravo!
I'm guessing that this idea that "you can do anything" messaging showered on the young also makes it harder to transition to adulthood - at some point, people stop showering you with those kinds of encouragements and you are expected to do your fucking job. Both finding out that you can't do anything just because you would like to, and abruptly hearing way less of that sort of encouragement just as you are becoming responsible for making your own way, I wonder if this in part explains the failure to launch scenarios of many late 20s living with their parents.
All of this stuff occasionally feels like a load of AWFL bureaucrats (private and public sector alike) took away the wrong message from Snoop Dogg's "Ain't No Fun (If The Homies Can't Have None)".
All good points, Freddie, and as usual very well articulated. I raised 3 kids with the idea that reasonable goals were the way to go. I recognized my own limitations when I was pretty young and also realized success has a lot of luck involved . Reasonable expectations (including about other peoples' behaviors) leads to a lot less disappointment and fewer emotional upsets. I never dreamed big and ended up with way more than I expected.
Orwell said that the story of every life when seen from the inside is mostly a story of failure. Anyone who can't acknowledge that truth is an emotional and intellectual child and shouldn't be in charge of anything.
Great piece as usual, Freddie.
On the Halloween piece specifically, my theory is the concern is that low-income kids don’t have access to the same types of costumes as their better-off peers. That was less of an issue in the past, when homemade costumes were the norm, but these days there really is going to be a difference between the kid wearing a blue t-shirt with an S on the front and a red sheet for a cape and the kid whose parents forked out $30 for DC’s official costume.
I’m not sure why that’s worse than all the other ways people can tell the poor kids from the rich kids every other day of the year, but it’s the only explanation that makes any sense to me. It’s not like people opposing Halloween for religious reasons are a new thing.
Wow, there are a lot of ideas in this short essay! The liberal desire for inclusion at all costs is starting to get pushback. I really enjoyed this piece from a few years ago challenging the cliche of the first or second-gen immigrant kid being made fun of in the lunchroom:
https://www.eater.com/22239499/lunchbox-moment-pop-culture-tropes
For parents, sports and music are a great way for your children to learn humility and to build emotional resilience! My son did Little League until he aged out, and then decided he wasn't that good and was done with it. He was fine. Now he's really into playing music with the various school bands and loves it, but there are constant reminders that someone is always better. It doesn't make him sad or frustrated...he appreciates their talent and pushes himself to get better in a healthy way. Our younger kid is starting to learn these lessons as well, but she has always been one to eschew competition in favor of individual or collaborative pursuits.
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you on the Halloween thing. There are many, many more scenarios that involve kids whose parents can't provide a costume than there are scenarios where, for whatever reason, the parents don't want the kid to participate in Halloween for religious reasons. Being the kid whose mom or dad is too drunk or drug-addled to be arsed to get the kid a costume is humiliating. You also have parents who simply can't afford it, and not having to show up in costume at school preserves the dignity of both the parent and the child.
Looking at it from the perspective of the teachers--having the kids in their costumes all day must be a nightmare. Kid trips over another kid's tail. what to do with swords, pitchforks, helmets and other accessories? What about the kid in the onesie dragon costume having to go to the bathroom?
No. No. No. No. Just give them a cupcake in the afternoon and call it good. Save the costumes for trick or treating.
I have flashbacks to honors math classes in 9th and 10th grade. Most kids who couldn't hack it dropped out and moved to regular math, but not David. We would spend almost the entire class (so it seemed, likely 10 or 20 minutes) going over the previous day's work at detail because David didn't understand it. It was frustrating for the entire class. His parents wouldn't let him drop.
On the other hand, as a parent of autistic children, I have battled schools since kindergarten. At the same time, I accept their limitations, but I still hope they can eventually live normal adult lives..... it was nice when we found disability focused groups, such as Miracle League. We had tried them in normal sports and it was a disaster, for them, for us, for the coaches. Accepting that normal activities don't quite work is difficult, but liberating.
I'd like to put forward the radical proposition that school activities should revolve around the classroom, and not around Halloween, Hanukah, Eid or any other festival that gets celebrated in full in countless other civic, family and religious spheres.
Not only is it impossible to make everyone happy, but some inclusions are privileged over others.
Suppose the local creationists were to demand that the Science Fair takes their claims seriously?
Suppose the local skinhead family were to complain that Anne Frank Day triggers them and makes them feel unsafe?
Lessee, why can't students majoring in street pharmacology use the school chemistry lab to test their hypothesis concerning "L-Carbylase as a Phosgene Substitute For Industrial Scale Production of Tranq - Shit is *Tight*, Yo!{"
Following one's dreams incurs a price. The further one is from having what would traditionally be considered the capabilities to achieve the dream, the higher the price. Even when you have all the requisite abilities, following a dream exacts a toll. If someone wants to follow their dream, and pour everything they have into it, I think that's a great thing to attempt; there can be honor and character built even if they fail. But adults should be up front about the cost.
As for equity in favor of removing Halloween? The more I see of equity, the more it shows itself to be the "chopping everyone's legs off so that everyone is equally short and no one can see the baseball game" version of the cute little cartoon cartoon scene.
I was unaware of the NYT piece, but it is perfect timing. My kids' (super liberal) school system has gone out of its way this year to ban Halloween. The nearby elementary school did a neighborhood parade for years, cancelled that last year and now is basically begging people not to send their kids in costume on Halloween.
One email included the vague equity, inclusion language, which was infuriating. The DEI people are really their own worst enemies most of the time.
I haven't looked at the vague language justifying the ban on Halloween costumes, but the main justification that I would have jumped to is that costumes require a bit of disposable funds and some time on the part of the parents, and a child whose household doesn't have those resources and who sees most of their friends showing off cool costumes in school might feel that this is being rubbed in. I can understand some concern about that. At the same time, I still tend to come down on the side of not depriving the rest of the class based on this, especially given Freddie's point that in the age of Instagram and TikTok all of this is going to be rubbed in anyway. (Although, I don't know, do kids without the resources to get Halloween costumes have much access to social media? Not having been a kid or parented a kid during the age of social media, I don't have a clear idea how that works.)
All that said, when I was growing up, I don't recall any kids going to school in costume at all around Halloween (maybe a tiny bit, with a few students, in high school, but a minority). Halloween felt like a several-hours-long evening holiday, completely separate from school, apart from a few decorations put up in the classroom. I honestly can't recall teachers giving out candy, even. Has it really become the norm for, say, elementary-school-age kids to show up at school in costume on Halloween?
If it is about families not having money for costumes, I get it. Have all kids make a mask to wear in school for the party/parade: problem solved. Now, some of those kids will be better able to create an artistically pleasing mask...
All this angst over getting a fair share of the pie when the greatest problem is that on the whole it’s a shit pie. Notice, too, that the complaint about not being able to pursue the culturally rich tradition of Halloween (with all its devotion to psychotic horror) echoes the Fox News campaign for restoring “Merry Christmas” from its banishment by the secular humanist “Happy Holidays.” Bravo!