Wonderful essay. I left NYC for sunny SoCal last summer after the end of a relationship and came back in the middle of winter to gauge whether the west coast move would be permanent or not. When I left I had amassed a long list of "why I hate this fucking city" that rivaled anyone's. Upon my return I fell in love with this crazy, dumbass, falling-apart town all over again (thank you, Bed-Stuy). I guess it's really sunk its talons into me for good, because I'm staying here (and though I hate the bodega discourse too, I'll take a bodega BEC any day of the week).
Evocative writing and damn near autobiographical (20 years later). I never lost my love of NYC and frequently miss its many offerings.
Six months after I moved my former NYC employer asked that I name a salary that would bring me back. I sent a Quicken budget using my previous salary plus ownership costs of a modest 1 BR Clinton Hill condo and a Subaru. I wasn't displeased when she never replied.
Great piece as always, Freddie. Funny enough another one of my favorite writers Aaron Foley wrote an eerily similar piece within the last couple weeks about "leaving" Detroit. There are many similarities to what you write about NYC, but there's much less about finances (considering that Detroit is cheap) and much more about racial and political discourse in Detroit. I think you'd find it really interesting. https://therenaissance.substack.com/p/it-shouldnt-be-anyones-fucking-business
This was sooo wonderful! I’m ecstatic for you and hope this chapter of life is most peaceful and gratifying. I foresee some great books churned out on that deck!
After living in middle America for their entire life, my father was transferred to Connecticut. While they loved living there, they were amused at how different the mindset is compared to flyover country people with respect to everyday tasks. In the midwest, you drive. A lot. Families will take 12-16 hour road trips without thinking twice about it. In Connecticut, the idea of driving to the next town over was like climbing Mount Everest. There is no right or wrong. Just different mindsets. I would rather take the extra space, yard, TV on the patio for football watching, and make the drive in to where ever I want to go. It's personal preference and pain tolerance. I think Freddie's decision is one of pragmatism that a lot of people arrive at. He won't regret it.
I've been looking forward to this post; I'm happy for you.
I spent the last half of my 20s and the first half and then some of my 30s living in apartments in NYC or the Boston area. I've got fond memories of those cities, didn't leave for (primarily) financial reasons, wasn't unbearably cramped for most of my time there, and moved to a place (SF Bay Area) that's not that much better for housing affordability.
But for 8 years now I've had a nice small house on a nice small lot with a nice big garage and holy shit do I love it.
We moved in 2015 for more room plus quiet. My husband loved the city, me not so much. I come from the South. I came to hated going to the parks because they were so crowded. Getting anything accomplished seemed to take forever! After we moved, my husband said we should have done this years ago. We are so happy we moved--though we sometimes miss the easy access to lots and lots of restaurants!
Maybe the best thing about living in the Midwest and being a political centrist is that nobody tries to make me feel bad for owning a house.
In 2021, we bought a house primarily for financial reasons -- the mortgage payments were cheaper than continuing to pay our current rent. But there's definitely psychological benefits that I didn't appreciate until after we moved in. We weren't exactly living in a breadbox before, but I still feel like I can stretch my arms out a little further when I get out of bed. We've got a kitchen that doesn't make my wife feel deep anxiety. We've got a basement that doesn't leak. We've got a guestroom so our friends can come visit.
But the biggest change, I think, is the joyful feeling of future possibility. I could build a deck someday. Or a front porch. I could turn my boring backyard into a beautiful garden. I could plant trees, and still be here when they're grown up.
I *own* this place. I don't plan to ever move. Owning this house means, in a real practical sense, owning the rest of my own life.
That is obviously some individualist, consumerist, American Dream bullshit, of course. After two years of mortgage payments, I actually only own about 6% of my house, and the bank owns 94% of it. If I want to own the rest of my life, I'd sure as hell better keep earning money for the rest of it. If I get sick or get fired, it all goes away.
But the feeling is all still real. It's a great feeling. There's no arguing with that.
Welcome to adulthood, from someone who (essentially) left Park Slope for Houston Heights.
Wonderful essay. I left NYC for sunny SoCal last summer after the end of a relationship and came back in the middle of winter to gauge whether the west coast move would be permanent or not. When I left I had amassed a long list of "why I hate this fucking city" that rivaled anyone's. Upon my return I fell in love with this crazy, dumbass, falling-apart town all over again (thank you, Bed-Stuy). I guess it's really sunk its talons into me for good, because I'm staying here (and though I hate the bodega discourse too, I'll take a bodega BEC any day of the week).
I shall expect recipe strands here, imminently. Now there will be no excuse to oder in.
Evocative writing and damn near autobiographical (20 years later). I never lost my love of NYC and frequently miss its many offerings.
Six months after I moved my former NYC employer asked that I name a salary that would bring me back. I sent a Quicken budget using my previous salary plus ownership costs of a modest 1 BR Clinton Hill condo and a Subaru. I wasn't displeased when she never replied.
Great piece as always, Freddie. Funny enough another one of my favorite writers Aaron Foley wrote an eerily similar piece within the last couple weeks about "leaving" Detroit. There are many similarities to what you write about NYC, but there's much less about finances (considering that Detroit is cheap) and much more about racial and political discourse in Detroit. I think you'd find it really interesting. https://therenaissance.substack.com/p/it-shouldnt-be-anyones-fucking-business
I loved "How to Live in Detroit Without Being a Jackass" and had no idea Aaron had a Substack. Thanks for sharing this!
This was sooo wonderful! I’m ecstatic for you and hope this chapter of life is most peaceful and gratifying. I foresee some great books churned out on that deck!
Happy for you, man!
After living in middle America for their entire life, my father was transferred to Connecticut. While they loved living there, they were amused at how different the mindset is compared to flyover country people with respect to everyday tasks. In the midwest, you drive. A lot. Families will take 12-16 hour road trips without thinking twice about it. In Connecticut, the idea of driving to the next town over was like climbing Mount Everest. There is no right or wrong. Just different mindsets. I would rather take the extra space, yard, TV on the patio for football watching, and make the drive in to where ever I want to go. It's personal preference and pain tolerance. I think Freddie's decision is one of pragmatism that a lot of people arrive at. He won't regret it.
I've been looking forward to this post; I'm happy for you.
I spent the last half of my 20s and the first half and then some of my 30s living in apartments in NYC or the Boston area. I've got fond memories of those cities, didn't leave for (primarily) financial reasons, wasn't unbearably cramped for most of my time there, and moved to a place (SF Bay Area) that's not that much better for housing affordability.
But for 8 years now I've had a nice small house on a nice small lot with a nice big garage and holy shit do I love it.
Good for you and your partner! Congrats Freddie. Happy for you.
Congratulations! I hope you are very happy in your new place.
Do you like driving everywhere?
We moved in 2015 for more room plus quiet. My husband loved the city, me not so much. I come from the South. I came to hated going to the parks because they were so crowded. Getting anything accomplished seemed to take forever! After we moved, my husband said we should have done this years ago. We are so happy we moved--though we sometimes miss the easy access to lots and lots of restaurants!
Congratulations!
Enjoy!
Maybe the best thing about living in the Midwest and being a political centrist is that nobody tries to make me feel bad for owning a house.
In 2021, we bought a house primarily for financial reasons -- the mortgage payments were cheaper than continuing to pay our current rent. But there's definitely psychological benefits that I didn't appreciate until after we moved in. We weren't exactly living in a breadbox before, but I still feel like I can stretch my arms out a little further when I get out of bed. We've got a kitchen that doesn't make my wife feel deep anxiety. We've got a basement that doesn't leak. We've got a guestroom so our friends can come visit.
But the biggest change, I think, is the joyful feeling of future possibility. I could build a deck someday. Or a front porch. I could turn my boring backyard into a beautiful garden. I could plant trees, and still be here when they're grown up.
I *own* this place. I don't plan to ever move. Owning this house means, in a real practical sense, owning the rest of my own life.
That is obviously some individualist, consumerist, American Dream bullshit, of course. After two years of mortgage payments, I actually only own about 6% of my house, and the bank owns 94% of it. If I want to own the rest of my life, I'd sure as hell better keep earning money for the rest of it. If I get sick or get fired, it all goes away.
But the feeling is all still real. It's a great feeling. There's no arguing with that.
Congratulations!