2026 Predictions
infinite wisdom, straight from the source
I predict that in 2026 everyone you know will insist that they’re exhausted by politics while spending more time thinking about politics than thinking about work, love, or virtue. When you ask them for their philosophy on mental wellness and self-care, they will tell you that they maintain a policy of “healthy detachment.”
I predict that in 2026 the political media, collapsing even from its state of current collapse, will take a postmodern turn in finally admitting that its real product is emotional soothing, not argument, analysis, or explanation; they’ll all claim to be the ones who are willing to be real with you about what you want to read. Every analysis will end “you were right to be angry.” That this sentence is correct will not reduce the underlying cynicism.
I predict that in 2026, some prominent publication will launch a big splashy cover package announcing that ideology is over, complete with several overwrought essays to that effect and obviously AI-generated art of Marx’s ghost dissolving into the ether. The last piece in that package will celebrate the death of ideology and in doing so discuss an alternative to ideology that is, unmistakably, ideology by another name, ideology with new marketing and a better logo. This will be called pragmatism.
I predict that in 2026, driven by the inherent incentives of meme war, a new generation of young conservatives will reinvent communism and popularize it among groypers. The sheer amount of time that liberals spend bashing communist principles will make these concept immensely attractive to said young conservatives. They will give their version of communism names like “Trad Economic Mutualism” and “Common Good Capitalism” and “Productive Patriot Economics.” They will never realize or admit that this is what they have done. They will generate some short-lived political victories based on this turn and then immediately ruin it all with podcasts.
I predict that in 2026 Donald Trump will declare Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Flag Day, and Halloween to all be “gay holidays, very gay holidays.”