We Can't Sacrifice the Miracle of Pain Relief on the Altar of Ending Addiction
killing pain is not a frivolous thing
Please check out Ethan Spiegelman’s review of Patricia Lockwood’s Nobody is Talking About This, which was a runner up in the book review contest.
About four or five times a year, I wake up to discover that I have pulled a muscle in my neck or back. I’m not really sure why this happens, but I’m a notoriously active sleeper; I talk in my sleep constantly and have had a transient issue with sleepwalking my entire life. One way or the other, though, some mornings I just wake up to find that I’ve pulled a muscle, and ordinary movements have become fraught. Usually this is just an annoyance, and mostly results in me not being able to turn my head in one direction for a couple days. But sometimes it’s a real problem. A few days ago I woke up to find that I had badly pulled a ribbon of muscle running down the left side of my back, right up against my backbone. It’s severe enough that rolling onto one side or another in bed is agony, and getting out of bed an adventure, along with a lot of random other hindrances.
Typically, I just sigh and resign myself to a few days of reduced activity and popping ibuprofen, which helps some. This time, though, it’s been painful and lingering enough that I’ve worried that I really tore something. Still, I’ve decided that it’s not worth going to my doctor. It would probably take an MRI to see the damage, if that’s possible at all, and I don’t know that they would be able to do anything for the problem anyway - the most likely advice would be to try and avoid painful movements and take ibuprofen, which I’m already doing. No point in getting an appointment, schlepping to the doctor’s office, and paying the upfront copay. (And then later getting billed for some mysterious additional amount, which happens every time I see a doctor for some reason.) I don’t want to waste her time and mine. So I’m just gonna baby it for awhile.
But also, I won’t go to the doctor because I don’t want it to look like I’m drug seeking. And the more I think about that the more messed up it seems.